The Akatsuki's Art Class
by Meganthezombie
Summary: Deidara is in charge for the day! While Pain and Zetsu are out on a mission, Deidara is put in charge. What's a better way to spend the day other than teaching art? Deidara shows Kakuzu, Itachi, Kisame, Hidan, and Tobi the ways of his art. He even manages to get on Konan's nerves!


"Deidara, why are we doing this again?" Itachi growled as he clenched his teeth together.

"Because! Art is essential to life! You must learn to respect art if you ever want to be good at anything, un." Deidara had a smug look on his face, knowing that they couldn't do anything about it.

"Just because Pain put you in charge doesn't mean that you have to force us to take this worthless excuse for an art class!" Kakuzu began to stand, and just as he was about the leave the class Deidara shouted at him.

"KAKUZU! SIT DOWN! Pain told you ALL that I was in charge! And as long as I'm in charge, YOU WILL DO WHAT I SAY!" The tone in Deidara's voice shocked Kakuzu, and sent a shiver down everyone's spine even if they would never admit it. They had never seen Deidara so angry, not even towards Tobi.

"Oh Senpai! I can't can't can't can't wait to learn art from you! I'll make the best sculpture Senpai!" Tobi practically fell out of his chair in excitement.

"TOBI! Art isn't a competition! You must learn to create art through your feelings, and make something absolutely beautiful, un. Of course MY art is the best here," Deidara said with a cocky attitude "but that's because my grasp on art far surpasses you all."

"Ahem." Konan muttered under her breath "Deidara, you're lucky Pain put you in charge or I would personally show you the art of my origami."

"IS THAT A THREAT KONAN!? YOU DON'T WANT TO EXPERIENCE MY ART!" Deidara exploded, clenching his fists so tight he suffocated the hands on his palms.

"Would you two shut the fuck up! We don't have time for you guys to argue about who's art is better! I need to get back to my ritual." Hidan blurted out. Deidara regained his composure, and Konan hadn't moved a muscle the entire time.

"Nobody care about your waste of time ritual, Hidan." Kakuzu said, knowing it would push Hidan's buttons.

"None of you have any respect! Maybe if you started following Jashin then your souls would be spared, but not anym-" Hidan was interrupted by Kisame.

"Hey you guys, why don't we all shut up for a little while and get this stupid lesson over with." Kisame looked directly at Hidan who then snarled and looked away.

"Kisame, my man! Thank you for understanding. Now onto the lesson." Deidara pulled out a large clump of clay from his pouch and placed it on the table.

"Hey Senpai! Before we start I have a question! Why don't Konan and Sasori get to make art? That's unfair Senpai!" Tobi said while pointing at Konan who was still standing in the same spot as before.

"I can't teach all of you at once, art is delicate, I have to be sure I can properly teach you. Pain and Zetsu are on a mission, and Konan has somewhat of a talent in art all ready, even though I don't like to admit it. And Sasori too, his puppets are an example of art. With them out of the picture, I get to teach 5 of you! That's the perfect size!" Deidara flattened out the piece of clay and started measuring it into 5 parts.

Tobi started bouncing around the room yelling "I WANT THAT PIECE! THE PIECE RIGHT THERE! OH SENPAI PLEASE I WANT THAT ONE!"

Itachi glared at Tobi with the Mangekyo activated, he wasn't in the mood for bullshit and he wanted everyone to know it.

"EEEEEEEEEEE!" Tobi screamed as he saw Itachi's eyes. "DON'T LOOK AT ME WITH THOSE EYES! EEE!" Tobi sat in his chair cowering behind Kisame.

"If you don't let go of my arm, Tobi, I'll do three times worse than those eyes of Itachi's." Kisame said with such confidence that he's better than Itachi.

"I-I'm s-sorry Kisame! Tobi's a good boy!" Tobi held his knees and tried to stay out of everyone's way.

During this time Deidara had finished splitting the clay and put a pile of it in front of everyone.

"ALRIGHTY! Now that you all have a piece of clay in front of you, roll your sleeves up and get to work! I made this clay special for you all. It's easy to mold, won't lose it's shape, and most of all... Won't explode! I know I know, it's a shame that the most perfect form of art, one that cannot be surpassed or even be close to being matched isn't included today. But after all, you guys are tricky bastards. I wouldn't want any of you trying to kill anyone." Deidara looked back at Konan, who was now frowning from the fact that Deidara, by saying explosions were an art form that could not be surpassed, had insulted her origami once again. Deidara smiled and found it surprising that Konan was so sensitive about her art.

Everyone rolled up their sleeves and grabbed the clay.

Itachi was curiously poking at it, making slight indents all over the lumpy clump of clay.

Kakuzu was smashing the clay with his fists, looking ahead and making angry grunts each time he slammed his hand down.

Kisame was splitting the clay into separate clumps, and making them round and symmetrical.

Hidan pulled a picture of a skull out of his pocket and was attempting to mold the clay into it. He was undoubtedly making something for Jashin.

Tobi was humming happily, with his face inches from the clay. His hands were moving fast, it seemed he already had an idea in mind.

"I understand it may take a while for you to create glorious art, but it's all part of the proce-" Deidara jumped as Tobi sprang from his seat.

"SENPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI! I'M DONE! LOOK SENPAI! ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL?!" Tobi held out a glob of clay that, to be honest, didn't look much different from the mess Deidara laid in front of him earlier.

"Tobi. What is this. YOU THINK THIS IS SOME KIND OF JOKE?!" Deidara scowled at him.

"I do." Kakuzu said under his breath, as he went beyond the point of smashing the clay and began cracking the table.

"Senpai... It's art! It's my own art! I put a lot of thought into it!" Tobi said, with a tone that sounded hopeful that Deidara would love his "art".

"W-what is... I-it..." Deidara started trembling in anger just by looking at this disgrace of art.

"It's! Well... Actually I don't know... I had an idea in mind though, promise!" Tobi was scratching his head with one hand, while holding his clay in the other, muttering to himself "Hmmm... What was it... Was it a... Nah... Maybe a..."

"GAH!" Deidara snatched the clay out of Tobi's hand, split it in half and began chewing it up in his palms.

"EEE! SENPAI! MY ART!" Tobi sat down with his head held low, and letting out sniffling noises.

"THERE!" Deidara smacked his hands together to fuse the clay, and revealed a sculpture of a miniture mushroom cloud from an explosion. "Since I can't create a real explosion, a TRUE form of art," Deidara held his head high as he turned towards Konan and snickered, then turned back "I suppose this'll have to do. Now don't break it Tobi!" Tobi withdrew his hand which was only centimeters away from poking the amazing creation.

"Alright Senpai! Look at this! It's wonderful! And you did it without even breaking a sweat, wow Senpai you're really something! I'll study it and learn how to make art like you!" Tobi said clapping his hands together.

Deidara set the explosion sculpture in front of Tobi and looked back at Konan to see if his comment earlier had hit her yet.

She was trembling in anger and clenching her teeth so hard it looked as it they might break.

Kisame had made placed three of his spheres in front of one another and began molding them together, in what seemed to be a shark like figure.

Hidan looked quite content with messing with the clay, and even began humming about Jashin.

Itachi was still poking at his lump of clay, turning it over every now and again to get a clean surface just so he can poke at it again.

Deidara leaned down in front of Itachi and smiled saying "Hey, Itachi my man! C'mon now, you have to have something in your head! So what's your idea, un?"

Itachi looked up at him and said in a growl "What's my idea? My idea is to set this useless clump of clay on fire with my Amaterasu and watch it burn until there's nothing left."

Deidara stood up straight and rubbed his face with his hands, letting out a deep sigh. He knew there was no way of getting through to Itachi.

Kakuzu was still smashing the desk. There were deep cracks in it and it looked as if it was about to collapse.

"Ung. Kakuzu! You're going to break the desk dammit!" Deidara snarled.

"There's something else I would rather break." Kakuzu looked into Deidara's eyes and stopped beating on the desk. He tightened his arm so much one of the stitches popped loose.

Deidara let out another sigh of frustration and brushed his hair with his hand. He looked over at Hidan who seemed to be having a little bit of trouble. "Hey, Hidan, you doing alright? Your skull seems to be a little... Lopsided."

"Yeah yeah. I'll fix it myself! You think you're so good at everything you bastard! UGH!" Hidan yelled with anger in every word he spoke.

"Uhh, I'm just trying to hel-" Deidara was surprised at how mad Hidan was, and didn't really see a reason for him refusing help.

"Just SHUT UP! Everything needs to be perfect for Jashin! I can't expect you to do that for me, NOW CAN I?" Hidan's forehead began sweating with frustration and the veins in his neck started popping out.

"Unnn. Fine." Deidara didn't feel like debating about Hidan's God. He's had enough lectures about how he can only be saved if he follows the all mighty Jashin.

Kisame looked rather bored, but was still forming a very poorly made shark figure. Just as Deidara was going to ask how he was doing, he heard a loud plop from Tobi's side of the room.

"Uh-ohhhh..." Tobi said as he covered his mask with his hands.

"What the-" Deidara looked over at Tobi to see that he had knocked over his explosion sculpture onto the floor. Granted Deidara could remake it within a matter of seconds, it was the fact that Tobi had defiled his art that angered him.

"TOOOOOOOOOOOOBI! DAMMIT! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS RUIN MY ART!" Deidara was fuming. His face turned red and he stormed out of the room screaming that the only way they would ever understand true art would be if they were in the very middle of the greatest form of art. He wanted to put them all in a glorious explosion the likes of which they've never seen.

"Ohhh, Senpai seems mad. Well since he's not here anymore, I guess I should take over the class!" Tobi jumped to the front of the room and stood tall with his hands on his hips.

Itachi looked up at Tobi and let out in a deep voice "Tobi. Would you like to see how my Amaterasu works?" He stared at Tobi with his Mangekyo and didn't blink.

"EEEEEEEEE! I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK AT ME WITH THOSE EYES! ITACHI EEEEEE STOP IT!" Tobi ran in circles flailing his arms and legs. "OKAY OKAY! CLASS DISMISSED!" He sprinted out of room, almost tripping on the way out.

Hidan was finished with his skull sculpture, and was so focused on it he hadn't noticed was just happened. "Hm. I think Jashin will like this very much! Wait... Where's Tobi and Deidara? What happened?"

"There won't be another art class for a while." Kisame laughed.

~_End Story_~

This was my first Fanfiction, I hope you liked it! Took me a couple hours and I put a lot of work into it. Thanks for reading! c:


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